Already

I was writing in my journal tonight and thought I would share some of my experiences with anyone who can relate. I'm not a great blogger (that's what I think a journal is for) (and I also don't really care to share every single thought inside my head with the internet world) but I hope this might benefit you somehow, whoever randomly reads this. Enjoy :)

" Dear Journal,
I was writing our Christmas newsletter for family we don't see often enough a few weeks ago and realized how much our family has changed/accomplished in 2013. In about 2 weeks Sara will be 1 which obviously means that it's been an entire year since I went through labor and delivery. That was such an indescribably unbelievable event in my life and it feels like it happened yesterday and at the same time a decade ago. Time has flown and I think back to where we were last year, in Lufkin Texas and I was still working at Genco FCU and ready to pop. I remember going into work every day and everyone going, "aww... Sara hasn't come yet?" and how annoyed I felt. Not only because I wanted her to come, but that everyone was disappointed to see me there because that meant that I hadn't gone into labor yet. Everything was so up in the air and unpredictable and I just wanted it to be over because the thing I dreaded the most was the labor and delivery. I remember being scared of the real contractions and if I wanted to take the epidural and if we would make it to the hospital in time and if I would have to get an episiotomy and if there would be complications. I had a lot of fear but I didn't let myself think about it too much because then it would sink in and I would be miserable and sick with fear and worry. So I just put my trust in the Lord and in Jake and everything turned out alright.

I remember being pregnant with Sara when I moved from the State School Branch in Pollok, where I worked alone all by myself and wasn't that busy, and how jumpy Sara became when I was at the main branch in Lufkin and was running around a lot and there was so much noise and commotion. I described her as a sea monster because she was just rolling around in my belly and was just so jumpy. I remember driving home and feeling a little concerned, like she was confused and perhaps a little upset. I guess Jake was at work late or something and I drew a nice warm bubble bath. I put on some calming music and sunk into the tub and it just seemed to calm Sara down. She started moving less and it was like she fell asleep in the warmth of the water. I felt so relaxed and started thinking about how much my life affects hers. Since she was born I've noticed she is happy when I am and fussy when I am stressed. There have been a few times where I'm stressed out or upset and Sara will just seem impossible to handle. Then when I realize it and turn myself around she cheers up and it's so weird how that works. It has really taught me how big of an influence I am on Sara and that I am probably the biggest person she looks up to. I am her world. I am all she knows as a mother and a provider of her immediate physical and emotional needs. I have supplied her with mother's milk every single day since she was born and have rocked her to sleep countless times. I have wiped every runny nose and endured every cry in the middle of the night. I remember when she was maybe a month old actually counting the nights I had gone through all of putting her to bed every night only to be called in just as I'm falling asleep again. Countless prayers uttered that Heavenly Father would please please just let her to back to sleep, please just let this pass because I am finally so comfortable I can't even feel my body and I need sleep so badly. And sometimes she did go back to sleep, but most of the time she didn't and I had to force myself back out of bed to attend to her needs. I remember the morning my milk came in and how engorged I felt felt and nowadays since I'm weaning Sara I just don't feel like I did before and it's so weird that I miss that. It's the beautiful nostalgia of how quickly children grow up. It's so hard to savor every moment when it is so fleeting, to catch every giggle and to enjoy rather than endure a late night cry when the only thing she wants to do is curl up in your arms and let your warmth and steady breathing help her fall back asleep because she doesn't want to be alone. I can't believe how much my Heavenly Father has trusted me with this perfectly heavenly being that belongs to me. She has become my world, my every single day, my early mornings and late nights. She has become that stale crust of mucous on my jeans and the slobbery saliva on my face. I am defined by the baby fingernail scratches on my chest and jawbone and the laugh lines embedded into the corners of my eyes from never ending entertainment and the tiny shadows under my eyes from always trying to catch up on my sleep without converting her to co-sleeping. I have been the most depressed I have ever been in my life and the happiest I have ever known to be, all in one beautiful and incomparable year. I truly have come to understand my calling as a mother and how difficult and profoundly important it is. I remember being so excited the day we found out I was pregnant and in my first prayer following I thanked my Heavenly Father for this opportunity to raise one of His children. I will always remember that gratitude and I know I will always feel that way as our family continues to grow. "

Two things from outside sources I want to include... One is a quote that strikes me on many levels:

And this article that I have concluded is the wisest of all words: http://findingjoy.net/why-being-mom-is-enough/

And that's all I've got. 

I'm ready to curl up with a book instead of think of more things to type. 

My heart is full and I am happy.

And that is enough.

Changes

Wow! I don't know where to begin.

The biggest news is that Jake got accepted into the Nursing Program! YES! This is pretty much the reason why we moved down here to Lufkin. Finally!

The second biggest news is, I will be getting my Associate's Degree this month! Woo!

And the third, I found a job. A REAL job. Since last summer I've been working here and there at places like American Eagle, a local dance studio answering phones, and most recently a Daycare worker. I wanted to go full-time at the Daycare, even though I'd make $7.50/hr. I really love working with the kids there and the programs they offer are really beneficial that a lot of people take for granted. After awhile though, I began to think about what it would take to provide for my family. Since Jake is going into the program, he won't be able to work full-time anymore. If anything, he'll get a work-study job like I did. So I started looking and applying to whatever I could find. I saw a part-time opening for a job at Genco Federal Credit Union and thought I'd give it a try. I've worked at restaurant and have handled money before, maybe I could fit. I got a call for an interview and was hired for part-time. So that works, part-time at the credit union and then part-time at the daycare. Along with teaching ballroom dance, I figured it would have to work even though we wouldn't be getting benefits for any of that. About a week later, a full time employee decided to up and quit without putting in any notice. A day or so later, I was asked if I wanted to work full-time. Heck yeah, I did. Even better, they have a small branch about 15 minutes from home that they want me to work at. It's a one-man kinda thing though -- I'd be working there all on my own. Since it's so small and right next to the state school, I can handle it. I start full time Monday, and train for about 3 months before I move to the other branch.

Fourth, big one, we've found a place to move into next month. Our lease has ended for our apartment, and we just want a change. We need more space for storage, and it'd be nice not to have our desk in the kitchen/dining room area. We're ready to spread out a little. It's cramped here! So, the place we found is a duplex close to the church we go to. It's also closer to where I'm working now. It's a 3-bedroom duplex, and it's within our price range with a fireplace, new carpet, and lots and lots of room. Soo much room. We want to have the first bedroom be our office/study, while the second bedroom can me a guest bedroom until the kiddos come along. It's exciting. I can't wait to move in!

And finally... we're pregnant!
Just kidding.

We've got a lot coming the next couple of months. It will be interesting packing and moving out during the hottest part of the year. Ouch. We'll have help though, I'm sure. Since Jake doesn't start school until the end of the month, we're both working full-time right now. It's nice to bring some more money in. 

We have a lot to save for.

Hello, Summer!

I'm so happy that the spring semester is finally over! After taking 18 credit hours, I made 4 A's and just 2 B's. Jake took 15 hours and made ALL A's. He's so incredibly smart and he's going to be just fine in the Nursing Program. Now he is working full time at Sprint and he's loving the break from school. I am now in summer school, I need 4 more classes until I graduate Angelina College with an Associate's Degree in Early Childhood Education. My summer classes aren't too bad, and I have been able to work a little bit more at the daycare. I'm enjoying the extra time to swim and work out (starting tomorrow), and Jake gets two in-a-row days off which is nice.

San Antonio was an incredible, worthwhile trip. We went to Sea World and got to see the Shamu and Azul shows (amazing.), of course in the splash zone every time.We got to see my sister-in-law Nena who took anniversary pictures for us, one of which is the main picture on this blog. She is so talented and fun to be around. We went to the Alamo, of course, and the Riverwalk before we headed up to New Braunfuls.We went to Schlitterbahn, unfortunately the same day that all the middle schools decided to take a field trip there (we had to yell at a couple people that kept cutting everyone in line), but other than that we had a lot of fun in the sun. We got to attend my beautiful sister's wedding, and had a wonderful time to spend with my family.

This photo is courtesy and property of Nena Metcalf Photography.
http://www.nenametcalfphotography.com/

Jake and I at the Alamo

Mr. and Mrs. McBride!

This week, we get to spend a couple days with my brothers. We have a lot planned and even more to look forward to. Now if you would excuse me, we just inherited about 50 Disney movies and I have a happy hubby that wants me to watch Mulan with him. The man that loves Disney movies as much as I do is the man for me. More later!

So Close

I decided I'd start sending Facebook messages that link to this blog so my family can read about our lives here in Texas. I thought that since I take the time to write what's going on in life, someone ought to read it. By the way, to those who do read it, thank you. And to those who comment, thank you squared. I've pat myself on the back for finding a decent decorative background. Now I can move forward.

Finals are approaching. Bad news is, more stress than we already have. Good news is, a sense of freedom is in sight. Jake will be switching to full time at Sprint (hopefully in a management position), while I work more hours until I hit summer school in early June. After this summer, I'll be done with school and switching to full time while Jake is enrolled in the Nursing Program. I still have my job at the daycare, and they want to hire me for full time(I've been doing work study for the last 6 months or so). They don't currently have positions open, but they guarantee me a spot by the time I get my associate's. They are the only daycare I know that require a degree. I hope for something bigger, maybe substitute teaching. I hope that someday very soon I will be able to have my own students in my own classroom... the thought of that seems so out of reach right now. I hope that the place I'm working at now will teach me what I need to know in handling a classroom. It would be smart to stay where I'm at, where I actually have a job. If a better opportunity comes, though... I'm taking it the first chance I get.

Jake and I will be celebrating our anniversary this month with a week long trip to San Antonio. We have plans to go to Sea World, Schlitterbahn, the Alamo, Wax Museum, Ripley's, Guinness World Records, an IMax theater, and of course the Riverwalk. I've been to San Antonio before, but never like this! We are going to have a blast with a break that we've been long looking forward to.

My thoughts are jumbled and I have so much to write, and putting those two things together will and probably has made this post a mess. This week the Family Home Evening lesson was about finding peace with God through Jesus Christ. We talked about our Savior's crucifixion, and that through all of that, He held His peace (Mark 14:61). Within our trials, we have the capacity to hold our peace. As long as we are trying our best to do the right things, as long as we read our scriptures and say our prayers, attend church and the temple, pay our tithes and offerings, and counsel with the Lord in all we do, we will find and keep our peace. The best part is, we can feel peace in doing all these things. I know I do. I was once told that when we do our best, the Lord will fill in the rest. Every day, I find proof that He is in control. 

That's all. I should probably get to my homework now. :)

Dear Spring, please stay.

I just want to say, I wish I had the knack of this blog. If anyone knows how to find cute backgrounds and put them on my blog, let me know. I don't even know who my followers are! 


Okay now, update time.
Life has been pretty crazy. (Hence my lack of blog updates). Jake and I are both in school over full time and both have part time jobs as well as callings in the church. Jake was called as the Lufkin 1st ward Seminary Teacher and released as a Primary Worker (no more nursery with me...), and I was called as Achievement Day Leader and I'm pretty sure Nursery President, or something. It's been busy, but we have managed to take hold of everything pretty nicely so far. I love the Achievement Day girls, I swear I do everything with them that I would have loved to do back when I was 8-12 years old. In fact, we'll be holding a Daddy/Daughter Date this month and the theme is a "Cinderella Ball," where my Dad is going to come down and help me teach the girls and their Daddys the Waltz. The best part is, everyone (including me) get to dress up like a princess. Because every girl is a princess. So I've been preparing for that and I'm so excited to see how that turns out. My Dad goes in for back surgery about a week and a half before then, so I hope he has the strength to help. If not, I know he and my Mom will love coming down to visit us.


I'm pretty convinced that this has been the coldest winter Texas has ever seen. It's miserable! Today the sun is out, but it's still pretty chilly. I hope that the cold goes away for the year. It's about time it got warmer. I miss the heat of Texas. 


With financial aid and a pretty decent tax return, we are thinking about looking for a new home here in Lufkin. Also, by the way things are looking, we're probably going to first be looking for a decent used car as well. Both sound so nice right now. A tiny apartment and a car that's trying to hold out on both of us, spending most of our time walking to where we need to get to go is getting rather annoying, especially in this cold. But what can I say, at least we have a car and money to pay for rent each month, and that we can afford to go to school and that we both have steady jobs. But still. Sometimes it's just easier to find something better in a time of need. If you know anyone who is looking to sell their car, please let me know. 


By the end of the summer I should be done with Angelina College and transferring over to SFA to finish a Bachelor's in Early Childhood Education. If it works out the way we plan, I should be teaching in no time. I'm so excited just thinking about it. I hope that everything works out. I hope I can find a job that can help get Jake through nursing school so we can really get down to business. We hope that by finding a home and getting at least another couple semesters out of the way we can finally start our family. That's definitely one thing that I'm super excited about but also pretty nervous. Just about the same feeling I had before I decided to get married. It's a big change but a wonderful one. I just want to be ready, but everyone tells me that you're never really ready. I've also been told to wait like 3 or 5 years to start having kids. Yeah right. I can't wait that long. :)


That's about all I can think of right now. It's been really fun being married. In May it'll be a whole year. We've come pretty far already and we've had a few rough times but so many more good times. I'm so glad I made the right decision in marrying my sweetheart. I love my in-laws (all of them :) and I'm so glad that I get to live close to my parents during this time. I'm super excited for my sister who has found the love of her life and I know he's going to change her life just as much as she has changed mine. I have so many things to be grateful for. The only thing that could make my day any better is if the sun would stay out for me. :)

Tis' the Season

It's almost Christmas! The tree is up, the apartment smells of hot buttered rum and evergreen (my candles!), secret gifts are magically appearing underneath the tree, our first Christmas... and it's 70 degrees and getting warmer! I will never understand Texas.

We recently discovered that Amber has fleas. I've given her 2 baths in 2 days and she's taken it pretty well. I know we've treated her well because she trusts us when it comes to taking care of her and as I speak she is cuddled up next to me (still a bit damp). But the fleas are gone and the house was fogged so that's one less thing to worry about!

I got a more permanent job at a daycare here in town. I'm glad I tried one more time with a job during my semester at school because this one I really love. It's a work study program, so I can't work more than 15 hours a week which is great for school. I'm taking 17 credit hours next semester in order to graduate in August and working 15 hours is just about perfect. I had to leave a job from American Eagle and a Dance Academy because I couldn't work the hours they needed me to so finally, something I can multi task with comfortably.

About a year and a half ago I was writing 3 different missionaries. One was my brother Nathan in Germany, one was a good friend named Adam who served in the Honduras, and one named Matt in Las Vegas that actually ended up kind of a sticky situation. As of today, all three of them are done with their missions and I am so proud of all of them. Each of them has changed so much and Adam is already close to an engagement. Crazy. Looking back though, I changed a lot too. The years between 18 and about 21 are incredibly life-changing for most. Especially those who serve missions or decide to marry. I always had a great relationship with each of the people I wrote to, and I hope that with time, we'll be able to rekindle an old friendship. But when it comes down to it, I've learned that some friendships can't just be won back. Some friendships never come back, no matter how tight the knot was. I've had a hard time with a couple of friendships and all I can do is hope it all works out. I am so proud of each of these missionaries and I know they served with all of their heart. They deserve the world and I hope with all of my heart that they find what the Lord has in store for them.

I'm grateful for friendships, whether old, lost, or new. I'm grateful for families, and music that warms the heart. I'm grateful for joy in the home, for hope, and for the feeling of finishing something that was really difficult. One of Andy William's Christmas songs, "We Need a Little Christmas" says these lyrics: For I've grown a little lean, grown a little colder, grown a little sadder, grown a little older and I need a little angel, sitting on my shoulder; I need a little Christmas. I'm grateful for this Christmas season, for the tender feelings of my heart during this time. I hope that I can give more than I receive, and that these feelings can spread to others this Christmas season.

Autumn

My family are definitely Christmas folk (especially Nathan). Now I love Christmas also, don't get me wrong, but I have chosen to respect and love the Thanksgiving holiday. I haven't put up any Christmas lights or bought any Christmas gifts because this month, to me, should be dedicated to the welcoming beauty of Autumn.

I believe that Thanksgiving begins the Christmas season.

I'm thankful for a roof over my head, food in my fridge, money in my pocket, three loving families, and a husband who loves me deeply. I'm thankful for the Gospel in my life and the blessings it has brought into my life. I'm thankful for a Savior who knows me more than I know myself, for safety, security, and a close enough temple that only takes a day trip and not a week or a month. I'm thankful for the blessings of the temple. People would go more if they realized how much the temple can heal their hearts.

I will be posting more the next couple of weeks as I take time to realize just how blessed I am to be alive, well, and loved. I encourage you to do the same. This is the most beautiful time of the year; a time of growth, indulgence, peace, and giving. I hope that in spite of a busy to-do list, not to mention final exams and crazy work schedules, you and I can open our hearts and give thanks to our family, loved ones, and our Savior this month. Let's set the stage for a memorable rest of the year.